So…where am I?

Hubby was posted this year (if you aren’t military that means he was transferred). It’s been just over a month since we settled into our new digs and things are…quiet. The town we came from was small but we were settled; we had our home, jobs, friends, knew store owners, had favourite restaurants…we were content (although we didn’t appreciate that at the time). Now, here in this new town, we have our son, Monkey (soon to be 8 months old and the absolute love of our lives), our four pets (two dogs, Daisy and Tucker, and two cats, Zora and Atticus) and a beautiful house.

And that’s….it.
Oh no wait, and Walmart. We have a Walmart.

No job for me when my mat leave is done, no friends to speak of, no store owners on a first name basis (“Where everybody knows your naaaaaame….”) and no favourite restaurants. Ok that’s a lie, we do like one local restaurant. But one favourite restaurant does not a cozy home-town make.

Sometimes I envy my husband for his insta-social life. Just add coffee or a beer and voila, co-workers become friends. But for us, the wives, who keep those proverbial homefires burning (and sometimes the toast, too), we just plod along, feeling like the new kid at recess. It’s summer so play groups are slow and the ladies there already know each other. They glance in my direction sometimes cast a “hey” as they corral their plethora of children towards the swings but no one seems very eager to make new friends. It’s so junior high, this “I have no friends” business, but it seems every bit as real to me as it did way back then.

And so, at least for now, it’s just Monkey and I. We do the play on the floor thing, the go for a walk thing, the playground thing, the nap thing and the errands thing. I love that kid to death but I thought he’d be so much more useful as a tool to meet new people!!

So…what are your thoughts? Have you been in this position before? Once? Twice? Many times? Are you about to be? Let me know what you think and if you have any stories or advice! (I am, of course, assuming that someone out in cyberspace as come across this blog and actually read it…that could be too presumptuous of me but only time will tell).

Mel

7 Comments

  • Exactly that, time will tell. You've been there a month. Im sure there are play groups that will start up soon. Tell that hubby of yours to start inviting his new friends over with their wives so you can get to know them too.

    What about the dog parks? Does your little town have one? Dog owners are friendly outgoing people right? What about your interests? Anything that you can do in that realm to meet like minded people. Any groups near you on meetup.com?

  • Hey Miss Mel!

    Interesting thoughts. I know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes – and it's not pleasant. Many pity parties have been held in my honour, and there usually wasn't anyone else in attendance…just me.

    I found at our last posting that it was really important to just take time for myself. I started going to the gym or to an exercise/yoga class once a week just to clear my head and be around other people. It seemed like in an exercise class, even though the others may not have noticed my existence, I could imagine the instructor was talking just to me! haha.

    I'm sure things will pick up soon enough…and just keep reminding yourself that it's only temporary.

    Besides, I think my fantaboulous hubby will be out your way in September/October for a full week!

    Love, Spaz

  • Hello Mel,

    I feel as if I'll be walking along the same path here soon. Not exactly, since I don't have an adorable baby like you 🙂 but I will also be moving totally away from comfort, friends, family, and those everybody knows your name places. As your hubby is hopefully ending night shifts soon maybe you can use a few ideas I'm trying to set up in my head for Justin and I…..then I thought of a few more just for you 😉
    1. For a certain amount of time don't eat out at the same place twice (don't know how feasible that is for you since you mentioned not having much except a walmart)
    2.find at least two libraries and get their kids activity schedule… Like story times
    3. Find a gym that has a mommy and me exercise class. The exercises are supposed to be fun interaction time for you and your baby.
    4. If your interested look for an ISR swimming instructor in your area. They teach infants to swim. Its also a great way to meet other moms since the lessons are usually only 10 minutes long there are usually a few there at a time waiting for their turn. It can be expensive but the result is priceless and really neat to watch. An instructor used to come teach at the facility where I worked.

    K, those were my ideas. Love you and hope may eat least one helps.

    ~Lisa

  • Hey Miss Mel. SO, are you ready to kill me yet?? LOL!!

    I am now understanding the "wife" side of postings. I mean, I understood it before, but now I am whole heartedly living it!! It is tough, but I am finding it's all about attitude!!

    Walk the neighbourhood and find teenage girls!!! Get yourself a babysitter first! Literally walk up to some of them and ask if any babysit. Now is the time to do it, or even when school starts, strategically go for walks around bus stops when the high school busses arrive! Get Brad to ask around at work too for teenage daughters/sons and get phone numbers! This will allow you and Brad to get out together once in a while and feel human. And this makes it easier to put yourself out there when there is an opportunity to make friends.

    My next piece of advice (FWIW!!) is to join a group. Set a goal. The RexPlex/MFRC must have some fall classes coming up. JOIN NOW and hold yourself to it. Brad can stay home with Lucas, and if he is working, then your new found babysitter can help out. You will feel more like yourself again, being on your own away form your beautiful babe and hubby!

    And most importantly, don't get yourself down! you are a beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving woman who has a lot to offer anyone lucky enough to call themselves your friend! Go out there with confidence and say hi and strike up a conversation! Look like you are having fun and people will be drawn to you!

    And remember, it could always be worse — you could be living in a tent trailer with a 2 and 3 year old for 6 weeks. LOL!!!

    HUGS!!!

    P

  • Melanie..many years ago I was in the same boat as you..I emigrated from England to Montreal with a 20 day old baby, no job, no money, no friends. It was very difficult at first as I wanted to be immediately accepted. It took time, patience and a lot of self confidence. You are a very strong person and I am 100% certain that things will change for the better in the near future. Take the advice of those that have replied to your blog. Do not give up but join programs, go to places to meet people etc. In the mean time, at the end of each day, remember one good thing that happened that day. Count your blessings..you have many, a loving husband, a beautiful son, a terrific house, supportive families and friends that are just a Skype away, good health for both Brad and yourself. Be patient, it will all come together soon.
    Love Dad

  • I feel your pain and frustration! I'm starting year 3 in a city with no friends! Not one! I haven't been out for a coffee date or a girls' night since we moved and have no one to call on for help or even a friendly chat! I've come to accept this as a part of life and hope that things will improve on our next posting! Having a new baby makes it that much harder to get out of the house but I'm looking into groups that will get me and the little one out once in a while. Just yesterday I applied to become a member of a mommy and me group, yep that's right, applied. Apparently you can't just join a group here, you need to be accepted! Welcome back high school insecurity!!!!

    Hopefully things turn around for the both of us, though I don't have much hope for myself. Throw in the challenges of different religions and ethnicities into the mix and it's nearly impossible to make friends here!

    One of the benefits of a complete lack of a social life is the chance to figure out what solo activities make me happy. For instance, I like to spend a quiet evening reading a good book or watching a favourite show (I pretty much have the tv schedule memorized by now). So while I can't offer much advice on meeting new people because I am clearly no good at it, I can tell you that it's ok to let go of the frustration and to enjoy your alone time. If there is one thing I've learned during my lonely time here it's that it's a waste of energy to be upset about being alone. Enjoy it and friends will come when they come!

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