The Crazy Life of an Army Wife

Being a military wife* is damned hard.

I could almost leave it at that because it so succinctly states my thoughts on the matter but being a women of many words I will elaborate.

After talking on the phone with a friend and fellow military wife last night it once again struck me how difficult this life can be. I have shared my own experiences of moving to this new town but of course I am not alone.

     One woman has taken a job largely outside of her skill set, well beneath her abilities and not even remotely close to her passion. She hates her job and this has put a cloud over everything.
     One women and her husband have decided to live apart because he has been posted but she has a stable, good job where she is now. This separation, while temporary, is difficult. A myriad of other circumstances both personal and professional leave this woman with her head spinning.
     One woman struggles to make friends in her new town and is left feeling rejected, dejected and lonely.
     One woman has very young children and is figuring out how to do it all and still have time for a healthy marriage.
   
Our husbands are our partners, our best friends, our lovers and our rocks. But husbands are often away. We must know how to co-parent and single parent. We must know how to be wives and single, independent women. We must be adaptable, flexible, and put on a smile to show our support. If we are lucky, our husbands will listen when we want to complain about how stupid the military can be and how we can hate the fact that our husbands are in the military but never ever stop standing behind them and supporting them.

We spend many nights alone. We cry, sometimes a lot. If we are lucky we have someone to call to cry with, but most often it’s done in private. Depression is not uncommon. We throw pity parties in our own honour, and there are rarely any guests. Sometimes the thought of all that this life involves is so overwhelming it feels like it could swallow us whole.

But.
We love our men. So we carry on. We live in new towns that we don’t want to live in. We work at jobs we don’t want to work at. We attend social events to force ourselves out of the house while we hope and pray to at some time find someone who comes even close to the very best friend that you left behind in our old town (although we know no one will ever compare). We do what we can. We work, eat, sleep, and hopefully find some time to play. We are told time and time again that things will get better, easier, and hate the feeling of marking time until this happens, but sometimes that’s what it is.

We support each other. We respect each other. We love each other – even when we may not really know each other.

I hope this reminds you, if you are a military wife, that you are not alone in your struggles. What you feel is natural, and it is okay.

Solidarity, sisters.
And love to you all.

Mel

*In this blog I am using the term “wife” to refer to any partner, whether you are a girlfriend, common-law, or wife.

5 Comments

  • ahh it is like you ready my mind! It is a hard adjustment moving and leaving our jobs and the older we get the harder it is to make friends – we are all so busy in our own worlds!

    I guess we just have to, as military wives, keep an eye out for that girl at work who you hardly know and let her know you stand behind her – like bringing her a cup of tea to work when you know her husband had just deployed – small things like that make our lives just a little bit easier!

  • a Military wife's life is sure not the most appealing, but all in all, if we love our man, we'll find a way to deal with all the sh… Everybody (including ppl outside the military) have their own struggle in life… Basically, you just have to make the best of it, everything new might be upsetting at first, but you have to live with it… Our men also have it hard… choices for their careers while trying their best to make decisions for the family… We are going through tough times ourselves and I must say that it is quite hurtful to me to see my hubby turn down something he actually adores just because the wait is too long, we need the bigger salary sooner rather than later for our family… I'm just thinking that it's probably hard for the men, situations reversed too… but they don't voice it out like women do…. I just try my best to live with 'life hands you the lemons, you make the lemonade'…

  • I know that I am not a military wife and I honestly don't think that I could handle all of the things you all have gone through. I give each and everyone of you all the credit in the world to be able to support your husbands and make those hard decisions for your families. It is amazing the amount of strength that you have.

  • Thanks Melanie:) You summed up a lot. Made me cry a bit. Hope you are well and keeping busy.

  • So I love you immensely and all of these ladies above I am glad to know you are out there. I am a new military wife about to make our first move as a couple and my first move ever away from my family. Reading that story and all of your comments gives me hope to find my "military family." And to know that any feeling of distress or anticipation that I have has been felt before by someone and also conquered by someone.

    Proud to say I am a Solidarity Sister!

    ~Lisa

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