Three Nights

Oh…my heart….

This isn’t really how I expected to feel this morning.

I have been looking forward to today for almost a whole year. Today begins the Canadian National Training Conference for my home-based business. Thousands of people are coming to Edmonton, a stone’s throw away from me, including people in my own Area and Nation and I am beyond thrilled. It is a weekend away to develop both personally and professionally. I’m rooming with some girls from my team and it is going to be great. (*Re-reading this section just now I noticed the distinct absence of exclamation marks…)

Except that I just dropped Monkey off at Lady’s house for daycare and I feel closer to tears than euphoria. I thought I would see him off and then come home, crank some tunes, and dance around while I pack. Instead, I’m sitting here with a weight on my chest and uncried tears burning the backs of my eyes.

 

I have never spent 3 nights away from Monkey before. I know he is in the BEST hands possible – he’s with his Daddy for pete’s sake! So why am I feeling this way?
Could be because Hubby isn’t feeling well so I feel a bit guilty leaving them.
Could be because this morning Monkey said, “I just want to stay with you! Okay? Okay, Mommy?” in a slightly hysterical tone.
Could be because I’m PMSing hardcore. Oh yeah.
Could just be because I’m a Mommy.

Sooooo…..normally I have some kind of “This is what I will do to move forward and feel great about my decisions and desires!” but I don’t really feel that same resolve at the moment. I know that once I get up out of this chair, have a coffee, start packing, play the music anyway, I will come around.

In the mean time, I guess I just need to feel it.

Thanks for reading. Stories of commiseration are more than welcome.
Mel

 

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