Pre-Deployment Awesome-sauce.

Hello readers, new and old!

Today I write because my mind is full and it is finally spilling out into my blog. It’s been a whole year since I last wrote. Apparently this is something I’m doing now – annual blogs.

I am a very lucky wife. I love my husband to the ends of the earth. I love spending time with him, never get sick of him, and he usually only really annoys me when he chews gum because the sound of his chomping makes me want to poke out my own eardrums. I feel I can write this freely because it is no secret to him and he gets side-eye 100% of the time he pops a piece of gum in his mouth. We are that disgustingly sweet couple who rarely argue and have disagreements that end quickly and amicably. I know. Your teeth are rotting.

 

I am a very lucky military wife because Hubby is one of the few guys we know who has not, until this point, traveled anywhere for any lengthy period of time. Most of our friends have done deployments that have been 5-7 months long, sometimes even leaving their wives with brand new babies. This life is not for the faint of heart. Or marriage. Hubby and I agree that if you didn’t have a rock solid love for each other it would be so easy for the stress to be too much. Even my friends who have passionate, raging fights with their hubbies in their pyjamas on the driveway (you know who you are) still love each other to the very corners of the earth.

Therefore I write to you today as a military partner of 11 years but quickly approaching our very first deployment.

I’ve been a spoiled, spoiled wife. And now I’m getting a little uneasy.

The thing is, people are full of opinions and advice. And depending on my mood that day I’ll seek out different friends for different advice. For example, if I need a good swift kick in the pants to gain some perspective, I’ll talk to my military friends who will say, “Pull it together, woman! It’s only 2 months! Talk to me when you’re left with 3 children and selling your house and moving across the country on your own.” Because in the military being absent for two months is a very short deployment. If I am throwing my very own pity party I’ll talk to my civilian friends whose husbands rarely, if ever, travel and never for more than a few days. They’ll say, “TWO MONTHS?! Oh my gosh! How do you do it? I could never be a military spouse! That’s amazing! You’re my hero! That’s so long, it’s going to be so hard but you can do it!”.

I get a lot of really practical but actually quite useless nuggets such as, “It’ll go by so fast!”, “Just keep really busy!”, “He will be home before you know it!” and I’m all like “Unless you’re finishing those sentences with, “And I’ll cook for you every single day and clean all your bathrooms” then you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know”.

I try to be rational and practical. I have plans in my mind with how I will contend with a whole myriad of hypothetical situations. I know who I will call for help with each kind of issue, how I intend to get certain tasks done, which household chores will get done and which will totally be left until he returns.

But nothing is helping me to prepare for the “I miss my partner” piece of the equation. Hubby is my very best everything and my heart hurts knowing I won’t see him for two months and have no idea when I will hear his voice or even get my first email from him. We are totally equal co-parents (again, I know I picked the perfect partner) so the thought of taking up all the slack and doing everything myself is overwhelming. The idea of having no one to switch off with in an instant when I’m tired and hot and pms-ing and out of wine and at the very end of my rope makes me feel nervous and anxious and sad and worried.

I know, it’ll go by fast and I’ll keep busy and he will be home before I know it and two months isn’t that long. But as my very new and very wonderful local bestie just pointed out to me this morning, “That’s great, but gone is gone. Whether it’s a month or six months, gone is gone”.

And our kids, especially Jellybean who won’t be 2 until October, is so young and changing so quickly. Two months is a big chunk of time for a little Jellybean! And I worry about Monkey missing his Daddy and how I will keep it together for him. And I just worry….well, I worry in general. It’s what makes me so much like my own Mama (that and other traits). It’s also what gives me really fabulous acne.

In any event, that’s what’s in my brain and on my heart.

Comments are welcome. As long as you are offering to clean my bathrooms.

~ Mel

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